• 27Apr

    Not for Sharing

    I’m hiding in the kitchen as I’m writing this. Not because the kids are screaming or I don’t want to be seen. Instead I’m doing what I (and no doubt millions of others) do when I have acquired my favourite chocolate bar; scoffing it alone in peace.

    I don’t care how many times the companies put ‘perfect for sharing’ on their oversized monster bars and bags, they know full well that sharing, where chocolate is concerned, most definitely is not the perfect way to enjoy it. Same goes for Doritos, Pringles and any other similarly marketed product. Share? Pah to that. No one really wants to share. Even when they offer.

    I dally between two schools of thought on this. One is that it is some kind of slightly repressed guilt-act whereby I am hiding binge eating in some way that pop-psychologists could no doubt attribute to filling some void in my life. This is simply explained and dismissed as a) its only a bloomin’ bar of chocolate and b) everyone does it to c) fill their chocolate void.

    The other is that I have fallen hook line and sinker for years of adverts showing a glamorous and impossibly skinny woman sinking into an oversized bath or sofa while breaking off chunks of galaxy on her tod. I am convinced it is in fact the skinny woman who exemplifies mental health issues. If you dress up for your chocolate and eat it in slow motion there is quite clearly something very very wrong with you.

    So if you are a secret chocolate snaffler as well, do so in the knowledge that you are in good company. The best company in fact, as I can neither see you or ask for a bit.

    Nom Nom Nom!

    By inadifferentvoice in Uncategorized 9 Comments »

Discussion 9 Responses

  1. farfromhomemama
    April 27, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    I keep all of my chocolate in the fridge so have the perfect opportunity to sneak a bite every time I’m in the kitchen. No chocolate is designed to be shared, no matter how large the bar.

    Reply
    • inadifferentvoice
      April 27, 2012 at 9:30 pm

      Mine rarely makes it that far – but then I’m not a put-things-away person! From your recent posts I suspect my kitchen may make you feel a little uneasy :) )

      Reply
  2. circlesunderstreetlights
    April 27, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    I didn’t even get my last bar into the kitchen – I didn’t even get the damn thing home, for goodness’ sakes. I bought a Toblerone on the big shop and opened it in the car, sniggering happily to myself through the first couple of triangles behind the wheel.

    The shame couldn’t eclipse the happiness, it just couldn’t.

    Reply
    • inadifferentvoice
      April 28, 2012 at 3:10 pm

      Oooh good choice – I haven’t had a toblerone in ages! And shame is never relevant – have looked on all the food lists and it’s not in any food group that I can see…

      Reply
  3. missheleneous
    April 28, 2012 at 11:13 am

    I agree – sharing is overrated, especially when it comes to chocolate! In fact, I often get resentful if someone has the audacity to accept my obligatory offer of chocolate – what cheek, how dare they – I secretly put a cross against their name in my mental black book – note to self, don’t offer chocolate to these people…

    Reply
    • inadifferentvoice
      April 28, 2012 at 3:17 pm

      Quite right too. Frankly they should add it as a recruitment test for public jobs, alongside the criminal record and background checks. Once you pass 18 years old asking for a chunk of someone else’s choc should be heavily stigmatised.

      Reply
  4. Roselinde
    July 18, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    I never share my chocolate :P People may say otherwise, but nobody wants to anyway! I’m sure of it, haha.

    Reply

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